One study found that despite declining divorces among young couples, the gray divorce rate has doubled since 1990. Marriage problems after retirement play a crucial role in the increasing rate of these separations.
No matter how long you’ve been together, relationships are still a work in progress. It’s such an evolving plant that needs constant effort. But you, as the would-be retirees, might not have really given it much thought.
And when suddenly you enter into the oh-god-nothing-to-do phase of life, you find it unsettling.
In fact, there arise issues that are hard to name, but they become the biggest problems that cause you to consider separation.
What percentage of couples get divorced after retirement?
Research held by Census Bureau explored that there is a 43% rate of divorce among couples of age 55 to 64. Older couples end their marriage after retirement more easily than young couples, and there are a whole lot of causes behind this splitting.
However, most couples start ignoring and avoiding each other. While that doesn’t solve the root cause.
Now, if you’re thinking about how to get along with your spouse after retirement, you can read on to find it out!
Marriage Problems After Retirement and Their Solutions:
(1) Loss Of Familiar Routines
Even when retirement comes after a lot of patience and planning, people can’t resonate with their new routines with their lifestyle. If the person had the 9-5 routine of being away from home and now that they are completely at home, it won’t be easy to adjust to a whole new structure of life.
Moreover, spending the prime time of the day at the workplace affects our personalities in many ways. When we retire, we leave the pieces of ourselves there. And those parts are always missed.
In consequence, couples often start being noisy and grumpy, which greatly affects the relationship.
Solution:
Planning ahead can be the real problem solver in this scenario. moreover, find out the new challenges and tasks that really interest you. It will help you to adjust to the new structure of your life.
(2) Conflicts In Retirement Plans
When conducting a study on retired people, Fidelity Investments found out that 1 out of 3 couples are not on the same page when asked how they want to spend their time after retirement.
Maybe you want to have a world tour in your sunset years, but your spouse is too tired to be a tourist. Instead, they plan to snooze on their sofa and read classical books.
This issue seems so basic to create problems in marriage, but it can wholly destroy the relationship when not appropriately communicated.
Solution:
Have a session of a mature conversation and discuss what you both want in life after retirement.
(3) Annoyed By Each Other’s Habits
During your working years, you usually don’t have much time to observe each detail of how your partner does this or that chore. But in this leisure time, you both have a lot of time together to observe and judge each other.
Might be possible your wife cooks with the kitchen door open, and you find those cooking voices annoying. Or maybe your husband doesn’t keep his hair as tidy as he used to before retirement, which really disappoints you.
Well, this issue is not a big deal but commonly causes disputes between couples due to misunderstandings and impatience.
Solution:
The only solution to this problem is to be compromising and kind in the first place. Then you can tell your partner that this habit of yours is a peeve to me and request them to change it a bit.
(4) Home Chores
Maybe the unwashed dishes in your kitchen are causing a dispute between you and your partner. Yeah, I’m talking real.
According to a survey by Yelp, 80% of partners have arguments because of disagreements about house chores. After retirement, partners often have issues with who does what and how well.
No matter how minor the tasks are, how you and your partner deal with them makes you suffer a lot.
Solution:
To avoid both of you falling into an argument, you can create a home chart that divides the chores and hang it in your kitchen.
But only doing this might not work. Recognize each other’s efforts without being judgmental.
(5) Physical Reliance
What if your spouse is constantly complaining about their aches and pains, but this is becoming a negative atmosphere for you?
In the early years of retirement, this is not often an issue. But as time passes, one or both partners start shedding their energies. The relationship than might not feel like before.
Often couples find this situation annoying, especially when one of the partners is more physically dependent than the other. Possibly one partner is all ok with helping, but it’s an egoistic thing for the other to be helped out.
Solution:
Both of you should negotiate this situation well. What you’re gonna do when one depends on the other? This is how to survive retirement with your spouse who has health issues.
(6) Loss Of Individual Identities
A person often defines him or herself by their role in the workplace. When they no longer have their work positions, they feel helpless. Retirees can even lose their sense of individual identities.
This dilemma then plays a chief role in causing marriage problems after retirement. Because one of the partners may lose their self-esteem due to this issue and start acting differently.
Solution:
There are a lot of retirement therapists that may help you and your spouse with this issue. They can help you find your true identity that doesn’t have to be related to your work.
(7) Not Receiving Sense Of Achievement
Retirees, when asked some deeper questions about retirement life, told that they live a life without true fulfillment and purpose. Retirement often robs us of the satisfaction of making a difference in the lives of others.
The feeling of “I used to be somebody” is such an energy-draining thought that could put a person into a damaging state.
This issue can have a great effect on your love after retirement. Once you were a needed and valued person, you expect your spouse to take you as it is. But they may not get your point. You can become grumpy on this point, and this causes an unhappy marriage in retirement.
Solution:
You’re not supposed to sit idle at home. Instead, you can start doing new stuff to have a sense of achievement. Like taking part in public helping groups, offering your services to others for free, learning something new or even starting a new business.
(8) Emotional Challenges
As you retire from your job, the very early years can be a real challenge. You are riding an emotional roller coaster at this time.
You can feel angry, annoyed, disturbed, disappointed and undervalued. And as marriage and retirement go hand in hand, so right after retirement, you start suffering from some senior marriage problems.
But you need to know how to stay married after retirement despite all that emotional imbalances.
Solution:
Discover compatibility with each other. Normalize to talk things out so the other person might not get you wrong when you simply are going through a negative emotion. Most importantly, get some professional help.
(9) Lack Of Money Management
During their whole career, couples are habitual of money rolling in that meets all their needs. But retirement affects their financial strength in a lot of ways.
Facing retirement without enough money is so risky. At elderly age, you need health care, personal security, adequate housing, and food. And if there is no proper financial planning, your retirement years can devastate you and your partner.
Dozens of typical marriage problems arise just because of a lack of money management.
Solution:
You can be proactive in this case. Join the pre-retirement money management courses where both partners are taught to be on the same page about what and what not they wanna do with their money and how to manage it.
Conclusion
There could be a flood of marriage problems after retirement that can hit your relationship. But before completely giving up on your partner, you can take a step back and analyze the whole situation.
For couples, reconnecting after retirement could be scary. But with a little bit of effort and compromise, it is possible.